its another one to come

i believe that things ive never get to achieve in life, i will get it in heaven.
things that saddened me are just a few, however, the kind of feelings goes deep into the heart.
i never ask for a complicated health. i never do anything that complicates my health. that is just what i am destined for perhaps.
i cried when i see people enjoying life life, went for vacation. go for adventurous holidays,visited places far away which indeed need long travelling. i never get to do those things right now. my lungs are not fit for traveling, my chest is not fit for highly adventorous plans. i get bruises and bleeds from anyone, if i tripped and
fall a little bit, and even if i had mensus, i bleed so much, i look pale as a ghost.
i never wanted to be on warfarin. i never believe my vq scan results, nor any or the blood results. i never believe that my joints pain is something systemic. i believe nothing,, it just this one thing i believe is that i need to be on warfarin to get going,
im tired, easily exhausted when i get sick . every breath like worth 50 bucks, every steps feels like a 100 bucks.medications are like rice, which need to be taken everyday. seretide is like my vehicle to keep me going.
i never ask to be sick nor wanted to take zillions of meds. i just want to do things that can support myself to keep on living.
the fact that im expressing this poignant feelings is because ... because i will never know what will happen next.
i just want to go some place where i can rest, where i don;t have to take meds, i do not have to perspire painstakingly, where i can see the beautiful wonders where i never get to see in life.
maybe because i never get to feel it in this world, i believe i will get it in another one to come


i knew one day , if my live longer, and healthier, i will read this post back,and that time i will be smiling knowing that i was() a very tough and strong girl. wish i will read this back in years to come