that poor old lady

she is just an old lady. no she is not.
she came all the way from raub, well alone, with ambulance of corse, with the h. raub attendent.
never thought it was so advance, that poor old he orang asli lady , living in the inner raub.
she told me , she did not know that her left breast swells. she didnt even know how long its been there, or how long it started. she just do not know that.

she had follow up for hypertension in nearest kk, when the mo that works there notice the breast swelling

if it wasn't because of the mo noticing it, she might have died before being diagnosed
well, im glad i was able to help. did a tru cut diopsy myself, sent for urgent hpe. give her 1 week follow up

fortunately, the attendent says that the kk was able to arrange transportation for her


im glad i could help. i knew it was an advance disease, im not sure whether she understood what i'd say. i hope she did. there is a lot i can do for being a doctor. it might seemed small, but it means a lot to the pt.
i hope she will do just fine. will pray for her too.

been a bad bleeder

well, my inr is 3.17 i think. about 2 days ago. big bruises are almost everywhere, yet i still going to the ot, and assist surgery.
i hope it will go off soon, and i hope to be able to take of myself well

splashing melena in icu

i had 3 patients today in icu. one was a huge man with severe pancreatitis, whom we noticed having melena this morning.

i was eager to tell ily, then we came, i had to do a prostoscopy. lucky me, i did have worn my apron.

sad to say, when i did PR before proctoscop, pt was on supine position, not much of the area expose,

when everyone was moving him around, repositioning the big guy, i just had to do what was asked

put in the prostoscop, as i lunged it in, a huge gush of fresh melena spread into the air, spills some over my tudung, and stains the whole sheets.

shuts, it smells so melenicly melena...... i was so dumbfounded, everyone walked away from the smell, i became the joke of the day in icu.

that is the worst day in the many days ive worked in icu

courage is not the absence of fear

dying is really scary. i scares me when i look into it. when one of my professor died, it hit me hard, thinking that death is so near, the earth is freakin' tired with its constituents

when i looked into it doesn't matter how long u got sick before you died. as in her, she died after a year of ill health.death it something we don't plan . it comes just like nobody is expecting. he whether you've been sick for a year, a two, or so long that you cannot remember when was the last time you've been healthy. the fact is, sick people sometimes thinks too much of dying , that they forget about living.

i don't really remember the last time in was in a very good health. i cannot even recall. health is something i should appreciate, although its not perfect, but i still have myself. i can live, sleep, work, pray, read, despite having to take a bunch of meds. i dont mind, as long as i am alive , i'll make myself readied for everything in the future

you might have lost your dreams when you get sick , especially chronic illnesses , but it doesn't make u a loser. when u appreciate your small achievements, it is sometimes enough.

enough it is .

well, i feel much better now

seeing a psychiatrist and taking antidepressant doesnt make u a loser

it makes u better, as u seek help, before doing something stupid\

and of course.its been almost 4 months ive been taking sertraline and lamotrigine

sometimes , i feel so robotic that im afraid i will lose my creativity and my talents

but it actually makes your thoughts shorten, u cannot think much, and most of the time, uve been a little bit forgetful and most of the time, less sensitive to criticism

i like the psychiatricts here. they will see u very frequently. appoinments are like every 1 month. and the longest it will be is 6 weeks

they are the best at changing the way you think

redirect your thought to sonething better. they find your accomplishment, and praise u for it

they are loving, care so much. teach you how to think better

get the better of you. sometimes they read your thought and help you to come

i wouldnt say i am a looser for seeing this people. instead , i am proud to say that i am so much healthier now. ive been in the surgery posting for about 3 months now. and i only took mc for one day, compare to in medical which is 23 days.

when your mind is healthy, it like automatically your physical well being gets healthier.

of course, working is tiring. so stop before u get tired. if anybody scolded you for that, just ignore it, because u know u have tried your best

i am getting better. healthier. happier. and this is always something to live for