grief

lend me a minute of your time, and please let me teach you on grief

this is not a lecture, or a boring factual thing, its just something that we all should take a minute, and think about it

the process of grief start with denial state. for example, a 28 year old pt of mine, who has acute leukemia, (has 95% of blast cells in peripheral blood) , took an AOR discharge and refusing chemo and bone marrow.
--> the thing is , he is not stupid, he is not selfless , or an idiot, he is jst in a state of denial, where he should be given some time, to think about it and learn.
he whom in a state of denial, thinks that this is wrong, this couldn't happen to me.

denial state is follow by anger. i was once had an episode of pulmonary embolism. it had left me with severe disability to do my daily chores. i was angry, full of remorse. i start to think,, what ive done wrong to receive such a bad situation as this, i was so angry, that i refuse anticoagulation, i refuse blood examination to find the cause of my unprovoked pul embolism. i was in an anger state. i start to blame people around me, i blame my mummy for not taking good care of me. i was angry with my doctors, to tell me what i should do.** i was lucky enough that my anger did not last long.**

anger state, once it resolved, is follow by acceptance, acceptance is when u accept and redha on what had happened and is happening on you.like for example, the boy with acute leukemia, finally accept chemo, like an SLE pt who had severe disease with sever vasculitis, accept that she should spent a whole lot of her young adulthood in hospital and wards, rather that at shopping malls , and parties enjoying with friends at the same age. While acceptance in me comes with : i began to realize that i need to be anticoagulated, and i start taking warfarin, i went for my vq scan appoinment, i had my blood withdrawl very often to check my INR. i also begin to realize that my
asthma is getting worst despite maximum medical medications for asthma. i accept the fact that sometimes , and oftenly, i need admission to the ward for acute exacerbation. i also do not mind if my friends and my colleague who are house officer like me , knows my complicated medical illness. i was never embarrassed, i don't care what they'll say( of course they are profesional enough not to say anything), and most of all i don't care what they will think. ( i learn to change my thoughts know, thanks to dr lazli and dr firdaus). well that is acceptance for me

thant is grief. i looks simple, but it is not as simple as it looks like, once you understand grief, you will learn not just how you react, but also how you think, and direct your thoughts to something right.