HUuuhhh,finally

OSPE exams ended yesterday, im in home now,yipeeeee, almost tucking myself into my bed when a whispering blow and an immensed feeling of blogging tonight, came an lingered myself to my laptop, dialling the network connection. Haa,.. finally, im updating my blog(which has no reader i supposed, except for myself)

well, really, i don't mind not having any readers or any posted comments, this blog here was just a part of my intention to keep on recapitulating things going on in life, on certain things that needed its own srutinization till the end. Things that i can later read back when i became a highly demanded specialist in any field of medicine, recoiling all baby steps that i have had to become a doctor and most of all, a person.

finals were the most horrifying moments in my life history, an intense disfigurement, stress with admixed stressors, perhaps, a feeling to have the greatest anticipation in it, averting from being screwed up. my english has never been polished up, it's just all the medical jargons came stremming down it's way to the both hemisphere.i had a very confident feeling on CVS and Respiratoty module, in that, most questions were answered with no, or very least hesitations. Blood and lymp, was kinda a cracker. 2 hours for 30 mcq, 30 emi and 4 essays was a bit too much, that i answered wrongly on the last essay, after not analysing the question thoroughlyh. Urinary module was kinda simple, very little ques on the pathology side which i loved mostly.some questions are confusing, i dunno which one should i answered.

OSPE , practically it's quite easy, questions are simple, but cause it was carried out for 4 minutes for one station, it was again, tensed....that i feel like my papillary musle was ruptured. i accidently answered it incorrectly, which later when i recoil, it was never suppose to happen, i should have a better control on my body autonomy.

i worked hard enouh, strived at the greatest limit, but the zenith and nadir of it, is determine by Allah. Let Allah do the part, im going to do on praying, and He'll give me the best of what i've deserved. InsyaAllah.

Today is hari raye. my 19th.....

First day of hari raye, full of anticipation, the best is pockets are full with duit raye. My sisters are wonderfull. Well, i started the day with solat hari raye, when the khutbah came, i realized that those sentences are similar to last's year. Perhaps Islam hasn't change yet.

We went off to my uncle's house, the first house of the first day, enjoing the excuisite and supercalofagilois(i dunno how to spell this) mokde's nasi lemak and together with the roti jala, which I had half cause i was terribly full after the nasi lemak. The sad thing was pokde was very2 sad, cause hafiz( my cousin) wasn't around, He was telling stories about his ever-missed son, yet his eyes were brimming of tears. As the eyes started to drooped, and it flows down the cheeks, i realized that it was an extreme missed of his aforementioned son.

well, my mother has just forcely wore me the necklace, wh i really hate , i don't think i have the mood to continue writing.

Then i spent the whole day reading the books. it's study week now.

Yipeee, going home.

Today i'm going home with my sister, who plan to set off from Tanjung Karang at 8 am, and probably arrived here around 11am. Then , we're going to chow kit, cause I need to buy some brooches for hari raye and not to forget, a blue tudung and a black handbag. Raye is going to be on Saturday, i supposed cause they're going to see the anak bulan by today.

Well, i wasn't expecting anything nice on this Hari Raye, cause I was so busy lately preparing for my final which going to start next week. i dunno how to spent the rest of the days at home, cause i really need to study at any circumstances, regardless how fun hari raye is.

so ive just finished sahur and i'll be fasting today after 8 days of puasa breal. i'll be fine today and hope the rest of the week will be as perfect as possible.

A lovely touch goes a way beyond.

Yesterday, i went to Rumah Titian Kasih, it's a shelter that caters for the single mothers and children. Located few blocks away from our college(it is opposite to Istana Budaya). The nice sweet thing that happened to us is that we were invited to come for a function somewhere near Masjid India that celebrates and also on the same time donate hari raya gift to the orphans and single mothers.

The crux of the story is that we were not told that we have to represent them to this event. The fact is that we're planning to have our own event at their place, Rumah Titian Kasih, but they themselves has 3 other functions to attend that they don't have enough people to sent. So they sent us, and we were to be told to say that we're from Titian Kasih and not from UKM.

The worst thing that could have ever happened to us , taken it's place that night where we have to go to the stage, taking the donations from the YB( i mean every single of us). Among all those short kids was a bunch of tall kids that happened to be from UKM, slowly and shyly manouvered to the stage. I was laughing all the way round especially when the camera focused to us , and the audiences(those with big mouths trying to scrutinize the matter a bit) asking why were so tall and old and some other stuffs that doesn't even looked like a secondary school student( i meant that Aina, one of us is so tall, yet very incongrously act like a small kid, which unfortunately, did not worked out well)

We had a very nice bukak puasa meal, but after finished eating , a few men started to puff their ciggarette smokes which make me feel dyspneic. Lucky thing that we don't have to stay there for long, packing ou stuffs and return back to Rumah Titian Kasih, hoping to get to mingle and play with the other young and 'real' kids.

Another crux of the story is that, when we reached Titian Kasih, they had another function that still have not ended. We walked inside with the YB still speaking, and some of us were bickering all the way, up to no point, stating that we could never get to see these kids, cause there're doing their own show at front.

Well, the funny thing is that i get to see Gipang, one of my friend, who'd become the center of attractions to these young boys. They were playing like shit, i laughed and loughed and i really think that Gipang here was born with a gospel and prosperity to actually be a clown, albeit now he's studying medicine.

I did'nt do much, did not even get to see the small girl cause they're doing something at the front. I watched and observed and thinked and inspired deeply, and even i thinked some more as the rejuvenated lackadaisical Hai Raya song became deeply and lovely,melancholicly played in my mind that I feel that I do have everyone during Hari raya. At a very young age, i was pampered and preservered to celebrate Hari Raya with the most highly anticipation. But the orphans standing and walking around me , might not have all the things i have had before.

Before we went back, we get to salam the orphans, especially the small boys, and i also get to give some duit raye to some of them. But deep inside, i could here a very lonely and saddened voices of these young people, as if they were finding a sanctuary to lived in.

Allah has all the might, and Allah too can make people graciously happy and thorougly enjoyed with the very least luxuries or even no luxuries at all. I believed a that these solely young protected small children will later have a good life ahead, and be able to direct themselves on their own pace and mustering all the strength that Allah gives, and also to become a good person who goes ahead in life, not stopping at any point of bewildrement.

There goes a life ahead. I am hoping to get to see some other kind of people, with some other environment cause all i want to be is a doctor, not just by its name, i wanted to become a doctor who is a person herself.

Deeply touched.

a total bunch of people in a commotion

I have just finished bathing, and still rinsing my hair when i looked at the watch its 7, which is an hour of study break. I don't really read at 7 until 8 cause daddy and along says its not a good time for readings.So, i decided to post something in my blog. So here goes nothing.


Today, mummy told me that she managed to complete 3 kuih raye, which is biskut kelapa(which i don't like) ,biskut limau(i like it occasionally) and biskut buah( i like the biscuit, but despise the buah). Todaay, like as usual, i woke up and study n study n study some more.(except for few minutes which i accidently slept on my books spilling of saliva). Wow, not much people know this(only those who read my published blogs) that most of my books have few pages being drenched by my saliva, nasty right. Lucky thing ana won't be doing medicine, if yes, she would have to inherited the nicely- engraved- creation of my sacred- nastyly- saliva-drenched books.

Its almost thundering outside, but i still have much to say. Now, i currently have 4 good friends, not a promulgated law saying people who sits next to you in lecture hall is a friend of yours , albeit after all these while i have been taking much time to get to know them.So, tomorrow, i might be going to the rumah anak yatim few blocks away from here to breakfast with them, i hope we have time to do a big gotong-royong b4 that. it is always nice to help people to have a nice , sacred hari raya celebration.

the outcries...

raya is just 6 more days to go and final exams is 15 days to go. the flow of reading still crushing on its way end. i dunno what about my other muslim friends , how they cope with this intense situation, maybe by virtue of patience inculcated in the hearts of these young muslims, maybe it is not an outcry after all.

I still haven't went out shopping for hari raye(fact is i think i will never ever have time for). Recapitulating on what i did today. Okay, first woke up at seven, study on embryology which took me quite a long hours to finished it.On the afternoon, i reviewed some of the pathology on urinary system, which i found it interesting to use the robbins cd, on the case studies. I believe i understand more.

1. The common cause of nephrotic syndrome in adult is membraneous glomerulanephritis while in child is mcd, minimal change disease. The latter cause selective proteinuria, albumin, while the other cause non selective proteinuria, which hisrology could see thickened basement membrane, on Silver stain, can see spikes on the capillary loops membrane.

2. Nephritc syndrome differs from nephrotic syndrome is that px present with haematuria(that's the most obvious, this include IgA nephropathy, post-streptococcol gn

3. im not sure cresentric gn cause nephritc or nephrotic syndrome. better check back.

ok, so the rest of the day is book, books and even more books. fact is im almost concetrated.

planning to continue on some more patho tonite, then anatomy of the kidney

i really2 hope to do very2 well in this final. im going to get something higher than my previous one. how about 3.4 as a start of something new. Then, Allah will help with the rest. I really have a strong faith on that.Insyallah.

another sem gone...

This semester has ended and so my pbl people. It going to be a new people next semester as as usual, like what happened for the past 3 semesters, I was reluctant to leave thish bunch of people whom I knowed very well. Albeit the fact that we had only 12 pbl and 5 sgd's, which means 29 meets alltogether, by virtue of understanding and all the fun doings we had all this while, it is still at the end of the day, a kinda lost of sensation as well.

Fai and tan had gave us this. picture below. at least there's something to ponder about. it is actually a crystal candel with my name at the back of it.

I just wanted to say that for the time we spent together the most, i really enjoyed it, cause these are a bunchof future doctors with the likelihood of being the best ones.

missed,

izzati

like a blitzkrieg....

today can never be better. it was getting even more tensed as 17 days more to approach final exam. These inquisitive yet freakin' out mind of mind keeps on harping and harping, wondering on how i'll present myself in 2nd yr of practising medicine. My hearts was shattered just now when my sister called crying on the phone due to some reasons and i was a little bit speechless, yet still trying to comfort and soothe her from the outside, making the phone call perennially comforting. i hope she's coping well now.

the only thing i would want right now is to taste the yearly made kuih raye of my mummy's hand made. but this year is no fun at all, never ever planned to bedecked on the first day of hari raye, i don't even have a thing for hari raye except for a blue baju kurung that mum had bought earlier. Having nothing to expect this year, i feel that all those time should be use wisely to read lecture notes, more understandings, more rememberence, you know,thing that makes a student shine.

This morning wall full of laughing that almost shattered my unmetabolized and undigested breakfast in the git. we had pbl on occupational health at 8, but it starts at 8.15, having to wait for me for 15 minutes(i've did that quite often, but still never penalized for that. We finished the session earlier that the allocated time, so dr shikin use the next 30 minutes telling us her stories starting from her first opn entering medical school until she become an immunopathologist.

But that was not the crux of the story. it was when she start to come out with a phase. Quoting from her'as long as you have the dr. in front of you, you'll never be out of money, you can do locum even after spending a month sallary on shopping, and you can do on call worth 100 ringgit per on call( which at the end, i really feel that i'my lingering to a very instrinsically lucrative yet respected bussiness here, albeit it should be called a professionalism, like what dr. har says.). Maybe im a away beyond. sill need to catch up more readings. i should stop now.