13th november

She walked towards the sun, opening the curtains wishing the sun would rejuvenate its occupant. The day went on, as usual what it is like to be in hospital. Was tucked in a blue uniform, i've realized she has the most comforting faces among them all. Was taking care of the cubicle where my bed was. I was lying, yes full of fatigue for fighting a tough and rough yesterday looking at the edge of the bed, where my name and the number nine was. The front counter was right in my bed's view, as i could see the lady in white coat, on gloves and a blue blood taking trolley. Yes, she was the houseman. I change my sight, finding the nice lady in blue. She approached me, came with a soft touch, caressing my overzealous painful chest, pushing the cardiac table towards me where the food tray was. She mixed the tea , handing over the fork to me asking whether i can feed myself.
I reckoned myself, being the sick one and yet, i was not ready to get so sick again. It was three and half months to final professional exam, but stupidly here i was on bed in the ward on oxygen. My chest was preposterous. I could only say it hurts, but to describe it ,was almost impossible. She came again, as i finished my breakfast, brought me to change. The bathroom was like 10 steps away , but when you're sick, it seemed so far that i need her to help me walk. I was oblivious on what was wrong, i felt so dumb and hopeless.

vq

vq : ventilation perfusion scan
i was supposed to come to hukm today for my 3rd vq scan: but it was cancelled as there is an emergency case this morning..
vq scan: maybe looks simple: but actually it is very tiring.
i have had it two times in 2010.
i took about 2 hours.
you need to be fit, not coughing, not having any fever or chest infection and most importantly you have to be able to lie supine without moving for 2 hours.
lying supine was the most difficult, as i usually sleep with 2 to 3 or 4 pillows.
First, you have to inhale few dose of Tc gas. its a radionuclear gas(tectenium) . it taste bad , its awful and definitely taste worse than asthma inhalers
than, the staff with measure the radioactive dose in you, than: you have to continue to inhale until it reach the wanted dose.
than, youll be put into a special CT scan machine(looks like CT, but a little bit more compilcated)
now , the scan measured the ventilation part of your lungs..usally for my lungs, i took more than 1 hour: i have quite a bad lung ventilation due to prolonged poorly treated bronchial asthma

Then, when the ventilation part finished, here comes the perfusion part, which took another 1 hour.. contrast injected via an antecubital cannulae(which they will put on you)
The contrast was not as painful as the contrast use for CT Pulmonary angiogram( i had that way back in november 2010) after another hour.. and youll done

Looks simple, but actually its very tiring. and usually the next day, youll start to have some fever and cough, and if ur unlucky porbably some exercise intolerance usually for a week or two.

i celebrate the small things

when i get sick ant and my chest get so hair wired,
i do celebrate the very small things that helps me to hang on.
being able to sleep at night and not waking up breathless,
i even celebrate get to lie down even prop up on man pillows, as long as i dont have to sit to sleep
i celebrate the month(s) that i spared not using antibiotics for chest infections
i celebrate being able to stay comfortable and not having chest pain either on exertion or at rest
i celebrate not to have to use nebulized combivent, and just inhalers.
i celebrate not to get admitted to hospital for exacerbation, pneumonia, or pe.
i celebrate not to have to take oral prednisolone and not to have to rush to ed for oxygen ,nebs and hydrocot.
right now my asthma only good with seretide 50/500. and if dose cut down , ill usually end up in hospital
if i miss a dose, or delayed using it: i became so breathless and tired.

3 years ago

i wish to have the life ive had 3 years ago.

i wish to be able to run, at least jog, long distance

keeping myself in shape

but not having pain in the joints , the chest, the eyes, and having this dizzy feeling

i wish to have ideal body weight

to kills of all the fat pad on thigh, tummy, and but

now it looks impossible

even if i had some energy to go out jogging

id tripped and fell

had broken right ankle, wind up walking with crutches , had trouble bathing, bo, pu

i knew the previous prednisolone makes me overweight

and the constant steroid from seretide 50/500 ,

further abates my effort to lose weight

i have no idea : to cut down weight, be in shape , and stay fit:

because sometime i had trouble breathing going up stairs,. like the heart pounding and falling

i hope one day, these will ends , i knew i could have my pre morbid life back, and i promise by then to stay healthy

from tanyalah ustaz

Pada zaman Rasullullah S.A.W, ada seorang wanita yang kulitnye hitam, Baginda memberitahu sahabatNya yang wanita itu adalah ahli syurga.

dan para sahabat bertanya, mengapa ya Rasullullah

Baginda menjawab,

satu hari, wanita ini datang kepadaku , dan memintaku mendoakanya untuk sihat dari penyakit kronik yang beliau hadapi.

tapi aku menjawab:

Aku memberi beliau 2 pilihan

1. Jika aku mendoakan kamu sihat, memang kamu akan sihat

2. Jika aku mendoakan kamu sabar, kamu akan terus sakit tetapi kamu akan mendapat pahala atas kesabaran kamu.

Wanita itu memilih untuk sabar.

Betapa hebatnya wanita ini, dikala beliau masih hidup dan belum meninggal dunia, beliau telah pun menjadi ahli syurga